The feelings … they really are rushing in. For over a year me & most of my friends received an absolute onslaught of humiliation – a complete deluge of existential crisis that we won’t fully wrap our hearts & heads around until years after “normal” has returned. Being a creative person is difficult to begin with and eking out a living by selling your wares, sharing your knowledge, and supplying meaning through art is even harder.
The pride that I felt years ago to be able to quit my construction job because music was finally/barely paying the bills was amazing. It meant that I had earned the faith in my technique and professionalism by my peers and my community. Being able to see your purpose reflected back to you in the eyes of another cannot be over-emphasized. I am not dexterous enough with language to be able to fully articulate what it does for the soul.
Poof … it all went away. We tried out our livestreams, scrambled for govt. support and grants, of which there was little of. Some moved back in with their parents and were forced to take various forms of charity. All of it chipped away at our spirits and most of us suffered silently while our better halves were left with our brokenness. Some didn’t make it out and others who had unhealthy habits rushed headlong into the dark, desperate for a place to hide from a resentful and unrelenting voice seated on the loneliest of thrones deep inside the mind.
The doors have now been cracked and as we gear up again to plan and rehearse, herd the cats, & hit the stage we jump in fully realizing our role in the pecking order of society and it is non-essential. So, while we have this window of time open, play like you fucking mean it!